So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
