he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
