i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
