I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
We just shotgunned beers for America
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
