i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
