if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
