dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
