if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
