i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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