We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
