My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
