i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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