it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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