thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
how does that bad decision feel?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
