he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Randomize
