i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
