I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
