it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
