It's like God shit irony all over that family
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
