well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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