Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
