So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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