I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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