so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Randomize
