I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
