Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
me + whiskey = a bad person
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
