Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
