My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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