hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
