Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
