It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
