i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
