ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
