nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
