Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
