Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
