Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
