They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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