I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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