I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
