apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
