I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
