she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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