bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Randomize
