She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
