I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
