he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
