HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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