You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
