youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
