it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
