he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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