so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
How's work?
Spinning.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
So vagazzling was a success
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
